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Yes I did!

Because it’s really a cherry cola with blue mixed in, the main effect is a warm red-brown, but the greys (and there are some!) are a lovely purple. I couldn’t be happier. Admittedly it’s not down to my tuckus yet, but I’m starting to feel more and more like myself and less and less like, well, not myself.

I went to a new hairdresser today, a lovely man named Samir, and he not only coloured, but very slightly trimmed my growth just to even out the ends and give it some much needed direction. Then he TRIED to blow it straight. But it’s still so FRESH and NEW that it resisted his attempts and the most he could do was get it tamed. It feels wonderful, even though I know it will be back to crazy curls tomorrow, to have swingy, loose hair rather than a mass of tight curls. But there’s hope for it – the growth is ALMOST at the tipping point where it’s long enough to begin to straighten itself out. I figure that’s about a month away.

If there’s one thing I’ve ALWAYS believed, it’s that we owe it to ourselves to be our own person (people?). So I always did – but something happened, with taking on responsibilities at the school and the operating my own business, I somehow began to feel constrained. The pressure to present a certain type of “face” really became overwhelming and, although I’m not proud of it, I caved.

Actually, despite our often contentious relationship, my Mum supported my individuality. But when she married Ed she became much more conservative*. And as their marriage dragged went on, she closed down and disappeared. I think having her do such a strong about-face shook me, in ways I’m only beginning to uncover (having just had a LOT of introspective time on my hands…).  So maybe I didn’t so much cave to external pressure, I caved to the loss of support from my one family member**.

About that same time I started performing weddings. I felt a tremendous burden to blend in. So I stopped colouring my hair and toned down everything about my ‘self’ lest I stand out and interrupt the flow and joy of the couples’ day.  Then the transition to an administration position at the school and then the burden (and joy) or being a small business person. And somewhere in all that, although I was still myself there were small joys that I no longer felt I should engage in***.

After all I’ve been through in the past few years (beginning with mystery anaemia, through caring for my Mum and on to cancer) I feel it’s time to fully get back to the who I am of myself. And now I have the bestest most supportive family in the world – my Bear! He’s always encouraging me, wanting me to be happy and myself. I thank all there is every day that he and I crossed paths.

And now, I have purple hair!

*Even warning me not to colour my hair before THEIR wedding as I was to be the maid of honour and Ed wouldn’t want me to have purple hair in the photos (I’ve had a LOT of purple hair in my lifetime).

**Our family was never large – Me, Mum & Dad – but after they split it was just Mum & I for YEARS. She wasn’t a social animal, her nieces and nephews are all in the Midwest or South so it was just she & I. Losing her support meant I had NO ONE to turn to.

***The message from Ed obviously came through loud & clear – I should grow up and act my age. This must be why I have a photo of my beloved Uncle Ben in my office – to offset the Ed negativity.